So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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