I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
