I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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