Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
