You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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