In the future we'll all be gay
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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