Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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