We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
