She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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