I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
