and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
