Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
