well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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