sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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