Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
a search helicopter?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
