So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
