His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
