I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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