Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
