Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Welp...herpes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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