dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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