i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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