Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
