Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
