I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
