The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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