"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
