Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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