I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
