You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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