I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
