M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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