In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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