I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
