the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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