the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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