I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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