I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
