My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well you can't waste a boner
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
