Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
