remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
