i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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