I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
