Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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