im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
