How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
