Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize