saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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