Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
