We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
