stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
