after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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