1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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