i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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