The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
