I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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