i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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