Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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