I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
