I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
