I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
