Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
