Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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