My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Less talking, more tequila
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
