It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Did I show you my penis last night?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
