Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
