you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
