YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sober January is a disaster.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
