i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
