I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
